Thursday, January 1, 2009
With all that has been going on I have really been wanting to write, but with all the uncertainty I just couldn't put it in ink. Then today, with the coming of the New Year came the first in a series of things that are still bound to happen which can't be "good", but are keeping me from moving forward came to a close.
As much as I should be glad to see so many things go away with the year that brought them most of the damage and pain will always be associated with this day. With the loss of the Job, came failure to get paid for which the damage occurs on January 1. I have always said that the damage to me I can handle, but when it hurts my family I just can't take it. If my former employer fails to pay me by 5:00 tomorrow, everything I have worked for in twenty-five years will be in jeopardy. How long I can keep it together I do not know, but if they actually come through I should be fine until I find a new job and hopefully start by the end of the month. Only time will tell.
Most of all today will always be remembered as the day my Grandpa died. He was the one who I spent my summers with growing up. Running around the sawmill, working in the garden, and walking in the woods. My father undoubtedly influenced me more, but if you look at who I am, I am much more my grandfather. From the things that I value most, to my tastes, passions, and interests he is very much in me. When I look at my gifts, talents and weeknesses, they are undoubtedly from my father. But if you look at my outlook, patience, strength, and determination, it is all my grandpa. The last thing I would want to remember about his passing is that it came at a low point in my personal life.
The thing is...it didn't. No matter how bad things are professionally and financially when it comes to my family, my relationships with my wife and daughter, and my relationship with myself have never been stronger. It seems like for the first time in years I really do know who I am, what I want to be and where I want to go. one of the hardest things in dealing with all of this is figuring out how this can be with everything falling apart around me. Then I remember...he is how, because he is in me. For it is the part of him that is in me that gives me the tools I need for what is ahead.
This is why I know no matter how bad it feels today, and what might happen in the coming weeks, when it is all said and done...This will be a happy new year.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Enough of the complaining. Today is Christmas day, and I hate to compare Jesus to a puppy but the one thing they both epitomize is unconditional love. My family has been full of it as well. Of all the things I can be thankful for this Christmas the one thing that is the greatest gift of all is the love that my wife and daughter has showered on me through all of this. It is amazing how the meaning of Christmas becomes more evident when you can't afford the distractions that make you forget the real meaning.
Hopefully Grandpa will make it through the day, and hopefully the money that I have been promised tomorrow will show up. For now I won't worry about these things, and just cherish the things that I have and love more than anything else in the world.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday afternoon was almost the breaking point. I really haven't cared so much about the blows I have taken myself. Through all of it I have done whatever I could to protect my wife and daughter. Here came Friday. As it approached 4:30 I could not even get anyone to tell me that I wasn't going to get me the five months worth of reimbursements I was due. It was the Friday before Christmas. I got may paycheck, but because they were so far behind on everything else it was already gone. This time it was my wife who was taking the hit, and there was nothing I could do for her, let alone think about Christmas.
That was when I looked out the window...
Coming out of the roof right outside my window was not one, but two rainbows! You would think being a fire station there would have been a leprechaun with a pot of gold. If there was one, all those Irish firefighters must have beaten me to it. It did look like the other end of it was landing on the bank a few blocks away. If it was, you know they weren't parting with it. If they were our clients (and employer) could actually pay us.
If nothing else it was after four and for all sakes and purposes my bank was closed which meant there was nothing else I could do until Monday morning. My dad always said you shouldn't waste valuable energy worrying about things that you can't do anything about. Until Monday, there was no longer anything I could do, so it was time to stop worrying. As I started to shut down my computer, I looked out the window as the rainbows were fading away, and color was starting to show over the mountain from the impending sunset.
Once I got home I found my pot of gold. Through all of this my wife and my daughter have been there for me every step of the way. In the last year we have definitely gotten closer than we have ever been as a family. We were spoiled for the first nine years of our marriage. Money wise it had been nowhere but up, but in some strange way we seemed to be getting far apart. In the last year as we have hunkered down, filled our root cellar, and really plowed through this together, I have gotten closer to my two rainbows than I had ever imagined. Sometimes It just takes something as magical as what happened Friday to remind me.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
This is Dad's Bible. It is the one book you can truly live by." It showed up under the tree wrapped in paper in a pile of boxes with shirts, sweaters, kitchen gadgets, cassette tapes, and numerous other things that are long since gone. What made this gift different wasn't the new recipe for 'pie crust #2'. It was the "about" and the gift of Joy that it has revealed.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
At first I was glad because I knew I would have them all to myself. Then I thought of the joy I had as a child eating radishes, green beans, cucumbers, and tomatoes straight out of the garden. That is when I had my epiphany and proclaimed, "These aren't radishes...These are dirt apples!" Her eyes lit up. My moment of triumph and thoughts of solitude with a bowl of radishes quickly slid away to the sounds of, "I want one! I want one! I want one!"
The same worked with beets. The little round carrots became orange potatoes. Potatoes became buried treasure and most of all the garden became a place to hang out with Daddy.
Never mind that a child thinks that potatoes are supposed to be blue, white and yellow inside with all sorts of colors on the outside. Carrots that are orange are now boring. Cucumbers should be eaten like candy bars. Best of all, fresh foods are better than frozen and the new root cellar is neatest room in the house.
Now that she is six, and she is starting to spell the vegetables, but I am just as thankful that she knows how to enjoy them.